Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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