He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
