You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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