Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize