great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
