So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Let's paint friendship bongs
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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