I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
