what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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