ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize