Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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