Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
