I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
