I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
