every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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