If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
