if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
