someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
