ugly people sure do ruin things
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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