Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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