YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
