i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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