Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
