Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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