oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
40s are totally the cure
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
