And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize