So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You can't special order awesome
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
