when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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