Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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