Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
