So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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