Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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