I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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