You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
