i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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