Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
