she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
