At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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