Got a toothbrush?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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