Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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