Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
