Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize