I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
