U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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