i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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