People with herpes should wear stickers.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize