I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
