Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
