I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
