If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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