If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
