Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
