I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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