she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
