So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
