Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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