And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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