So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
