After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
