You can't motorboat a personality
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
