; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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