Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
