RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
