There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
