Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
