fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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