Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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