Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
