I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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