a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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