We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Two words: nipple clamps
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