Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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