I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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