im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
