It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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