Jerry, you need to find god
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
