So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
