where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Randomize
