I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
