if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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