I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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