why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
