I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
