Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
