its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
