i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
