I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
